Texting With God: February 2013

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Graveclothes

As I was praying this morning there were a few things that came to me. When a wound is healing and its time for the scab part to fall off, it doesn't hurt at that point. The scab can honestly be annoying at times cause at that point its no longer part of the wound just a covering that keeps you from truly feeling what is going on around. IF its ready to come off it comes off easily HOWEVER the new skin underneath is extremely sensitive and its feeling everything as if for the first time. Our instinct is to cover it back up but in reality the best thing for it at that point is to be exposed and allow to feel the breath of fresh air. The reason that I don't want to fix or heal you is because for the most part the healing is done. The covering just needs to come off. Right now its hindering how you move and feel the world around you. Its not comfortable but its what you have known and at least this way you can't get hurt! Its our job as the body of christ to help other remove the coverings and begin to feel what living again is all about. Its gonna feel weird and scary and you will want to cover back up, but take my hand and trust God. I don't want to fix you or help you but I do desire to do life with you! And life is all about growing, healing, changing and loving. All into the people that God wants us to be. And since God wants what's best for us it seems like a pretty good plan ;)

Change not Perfection

What if God desires change not perfection? With all the change that I have gone through in the last year I began to get extremely frustrated at the continual flow of change. And that I never seemed to be "done". Just when I thought I was done something else would come up that needed changed. What if I changed my perspective... From looking at "done" as the goal to looking at "change" as the goal. Then everytime I am faced with a new change I can welcome it with open arms. Consider it pure joy when faced with trials and tribulations of ALL KINDS. For in trials your faith will be tried and your character perfected.

Trust. Intimacy.

I had always thought trust was supposed to be immediately bestowed on people when they entered my life. Which has left me incredibly vulnerable for all kinds messy situations. Trust has to be earned. Through time. I can give people opportunities time earn my trust but I can't give them my everything until they have worked to gain my trust. Trust without hard work is nothing more than another form of prostitution. To give something of worth to anyone and everyone without proof that they are worthy. So how do you provide people with opportunities to build trust without getting your heart broken but while still being transparent? I am discovering that 1. You actually can't build trust without the risk of getting your heart broken. 2. If you have complete trust in God, who mind you actually deserves our complete trust, then your heart will never be shattered beyond repair. 3. When I can relax in full trust with God and know that he loves me regardless then I can risk more to eventually trust more.
Perhaps what I thought I gave out so freely before really wasn't trust at all but was some sort of scewed counterfeit. Maybe it was me trying to earn someone's love by showing all of me rather than allowing them to work to see all of me. To prove that they were worthy. Not everyone gets all of me. Time to tighten down the trust belt and bring the close ones in closer. I can still be a glass house, transparent for all to see. But not everyone gets to come inside, walk around and trash what want there's to have. No longer with trust be given immediately. But rather earned through time. It's ok to be at step 2 rather than step 32. Because the steps In between is where true trust and true intimacy are built. I will not rush the process.

Blessings

My mom texted me last night a list of things that I have accomplished over the last year. “Look at how far God has brought you Naomi”. So I paused for a few and began pouring over what all has happened in the last year. Sometimes, it’s hard to believe it has just been a year. I remember being in a “hopeless season” and thinking it was never going to end. That I would never smile again. That the only laughter I would have would be fake laughter. I thought the tears would never end. The long lonely nights that seemed to drag on for WAY more than 12 hours. I vividly remember the first night that the kids and I slept in our new home. Our miracle home, Our Place of Restoration. I remember feeling safe for the first time in years. I remember feeling like a bird that had been caged and finally had room to spread her wings. The weight that was lifted off is indescribable. The wish list that I had for my new place was so long. Haha all my friends and family were nervous that I wasn’t going to find a place. But God provided ABOVE and BEYOND. He paid such close attention to detail that it still astounds me to this day. EVERYTHING I had on my list of the perfect home I could check off. And that was just the beginning. As I was moving out God kept telling me over and over again…”You can take what he (the father of my children) has or you can have what I have.” I left behind SO many possessions. And it has been incredible to watch God replace it all. Let me tell you, when God replaces something He gives you so much better than what you had before. New house, new dog, new BBQ grill and that is just the beginning. The blessings some small and some HUGE just keep coming. But in the midst of it all there were days that seemed to last forever. Seasons that drug on and on. So let me encourage you, if you are in the middle of one of those hopeless seasons that you can’t see your way out of, take a deep breath. God is right there with you and His plan is unfolding in His perfect time. I promise you, this season won’t last forever. The tears will stop. The joy will come in the morning and the laughter will be unlike anything you have experienced before. Looking back it all happened so quickly, all at once, but yet felt like it was NEVER going to end. I thank God for the people he placed in my life along the road. Each one a healing dispensary. To my best friend, Scarlett and the countless hours she spent on the phone with me crying, laughing and teaching me how to communicate. To my parents for always encouraging me and making me feel like I am an incredible mom even on days when I wanted to run away from it all. To Deborah who constantly reminds me of who I am and the promises that God has given me. Who can listen to my dreams and never think I am too crazy. To Tisha who constantly held me when I cried, supported me when I couldn’t put into words what I needed. Silently stood by to allow me to learn lessons on my own. And LAVISHED love on to my children. To Tacie who always brings just the right word at just the right time. To Cassie who stops at nothing to make me smile, does research for me and sends me constant reminders cause she knows how forgetful I am. To Jeff, WOW the healing that you brought me. It was truly your emails that pulled me the last few inches out of the darkness. You gave me the hope that I needed and poured life back into something that seemed so dead. Thank you for speaking EXACTLY the words that God gave you even though they seemed risky. To the countless other friends that have held my hand and encouraged me along the way. Thank you ALL for being part of the most amazingly, challenging, seemed never ending, rollercoaster ride of a year. Love All of You!!!

Puzzle Pieces

All too often I allow the circumstances to determine my view on the character of God rather than allowing the character of God to shine through onto my circumstances. If my surroundings are good then God is good. But if my circumstances are bad then God be bad or worse, just not care. God is good ALL the time. While the world is constantly changing God is UNCHANGING, ever faithful, ALWAYS GOOD. So even in the times when it looks like all hope is lost and change is completely impossible God is working on a plan to right all my wrongs. The grand puzzle maker. Follow me here…it’s the person putting the puzzle together that is the problem solver. Its not the puzzle pieces job to make each piece fit together. A puzzle is designed to test the ingenuity and problem solving abilities of the person fitting the pieces. Each one of us is a part of a huge puzzle. When we as puzzle pieces try to create the picture we make a mess of things and try to smash pieces together that don’t belong just because we don’t understand where they truly go. The relationship that failed, the job we didn’t get, or the family member that died. Close your eyes and see it with me. There are a bunch of puzzle pieces laid out in front of you. All different shades and colors but as you look closer you can see black streaks running through some of the pieces. Defining lines. These pieces represent the times in your life when you don’t understand what God is doing. The difficult times when its easier to see the bad then to see the picture that is being made. But these are the very pieces that he uses to to define the puzzle of our lives. Without these lines there is no depth, no character. Trust his hand that He knows exactly where each piece goes. He alone knows where the black lines need to go. Sometimes I don’t know what He’s doing but I trust who He is. The black lines do not determine the puzzle makers character but the character of God determines where the black lines go and only He can see the whole puzzle and where each piece fits.

Obedience

I am convinced that obedience looks different in every season. When God asks for you obedience in some things it seems trivial and in other things its glaringly obvious why you need to obey. For me the big things are easier to obey than the little things. For instance, in the past few months I have known I was supposed to get rid of several hoodies that I had from when I was married. But they were my favorites because they were so worn and comfortable. I am embarrassed to say that I have just now put them in the Goodwill pile. The ever so patient Father kept nudging me. Every time I would say…really God, it’s a sweatshirt? And EVERY time I put it on I would hear, you really should get rid of that, you need to get rid of that, I SAID GET RID OF THAT. Now, I have no idea of the full spectrum of ramifications that my obedience with the sweatshirt will bring. And honestly that doesn’t matter. I don’t obey for an end result. I obey because I know that I know He has a plan. And he is intentional in EVERY single minute detail. Sometimes, obedience means doing NOTHING. Over the past 4 months God has been showing me that obedience is just as important in the STOP AND DO NOTHING phase as there is in the charge full force ahead phase. I can’t help but think of my own children when it comes to obedience. Take for instance something as simple as crossing the street. Sometimes you have to wait till the coast is clear. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you but rather with your surroundings. There are dangers that have to clear before you can move ahead. Sometimes if you wait too long you miss the journey awaiting you. Sometimes it feels like you are waiting FOREVER. But I assure you, your “walk” sign will come. As I wait for my sign to change from “DO NOT WALK” to “walk” I am trying to listen for the little things he wants me to obey. Which isn’t nearly as exciting as run ahead but its in the little things that you learn the biggest lessons.

Forgiven, Redeemed, Set Free

As the day nears its end and the streets began to go silent there is a woman who dreads this time of day. For some nighttime is a time of rest, but not for this woman. With the darkness comes the “promise” of a man. She wants so badly to be held and promised tomorrow. Her heart aches to be known for the woman that she is, and not the acts she does. She lies to herself that maybe tonight is the night. Maybe this time he will stay. Maybe this time if I am just good enough he won’t go away. Maybe this time will be enough to fill my heart. She beckons him in and for a few moments it seems right. The pleasure is there, but as he walks out the door the blood drains from her heart once more. What a cruel cruel game she is allowing to be played. As dawn breaks she hears a knock on the door. She knows the faces on the other side of the door. She has seen them all once or twice before. But why are they here now in the light of day? The men grab her by the arms and drag her to town. Is this some kind of nightmare? She tries to shade her eyes from the blinding sunlight and the stares of judgement that come in the light of day. She wears shame like a heavy cloak. Not only does it “hide” her away but it reminds her that she isn’t good enough every moment of every day. As they near the center of town she sees the people gathered around. “Oh great” she thinks “My fate is now sealed. They’ve all come to watch.” There at the center of the crowd is this man they call Jesus. The two worlds she tried so desperately to keep apart have now collided together. The darkness of night and the light of day never mix well. Jesus looks into her eyes and sees all the way to the deepest part of her soul. She quickly breaks the stare by looking down to the ground. She is used to looking there to avoid the judgemental glances and the hate filled stares. The men ask Jesus what he is going to do with this woman? The law says to kill her does he agree? Jesus bends down and begins to trace his finger in the sand. Jesus wrote a message only the woman would understand the full meaning of. He wrote it out because He knew all the promises other men had made to her had been spoken out. He was different than the rest. His promise of love and redemption were real. What did he write? Guilty as charged? Whore? I’ve seen it all? Filthy? Worn? The men want an answer, what is her fate? Jesus stands up and says to them “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her”. At this moment he bends down and starts writing again. Forgiven my Queen. You’re redeemed. You’re brand new. One by one the men walk away. They wanted justice but instead were shown love. This time as Jesus stands once more, he places his hand gently beneath the woman’s chin and raises her head. He catches her eyes once more and for the first time in her life she feels a warmth pouring into her soul. The stare isn’t filled with cold condemnation but forgiveness and love but its even greater than that. It is filled with a challenge to live her life better. Her heart feels alive inside her chest. For the first time it is filled with love and light. He has given her the greatest gift ever given. Redemption coupled with purpose. She now has a mission.

Perfuming or Embalming?

In the case of Esther where she was bathed first and then the perfuming happened. She was bathed to get rid of any trace of dirt from her past. Any wrong thinking, wrong processing, any ways of the old man. Our old habits and ways of thinking come from our old self which is now dead. So we are literally walking around with the stench of a dead person. At this point there are two choices. Either a bath or embalming. One restores the old man and one restores the new. But make no mistake perfuming before a bath is nothing more than embalming. It may look pretty on the outside but inside is filled with death and decay. Even embalming only holds off the inevitable for so long. I look back over the last 9 months when I went through my party phase. Where I was grasping desperately to cover up the hurt and the pain but it literally was killing me slowly. The smell of death began to seep out because you can only keep it hidden for so long. Sometimes there are “friends” that come to visit you in the tomb and they bring more spices so as to cover up the stench. WOWZERS. Yep I know that feeling.