Disposable – made to be used once or only a few times. Made to be thrown away after one use or
several uses. Available to be used. Subject to or available for disposal.
Disposal – the power or authority to dispose or make use as
one chooses, the act or process of disposing, orderly placement or
distribution, regulation, administration, the act or action of presenting or
bestowing something.
The term disposable friendship lays heavy on my heart. It brings with it a sting. What, disposable?? How can you say that a person is
disposable? After all doesn’t that mean
thrown away? Lets take a step back and
see that everything has a purpose when it enters our life. What happens if you use something repetitively
that is meant to be a one-time use? It
breaks down over time and can’t handle the wear and tear of everyday use. Picture a few different types of bowls with
me. You have the paper bowls that you
can take camping with you, one time use and if you put too much weight in it
you will have a mess. Oh but these bowls
are a necessity when you don’t have a lot of time and are just looking to have
fun. You have plastic bowls that can
withstand some use but will break down over time. These bowls are good for cereal every
morning. The simple things in life. Then
you have ceramic bowls that can hold the weight of a hefty stew and be washed
again and again and again. You know the
kind of bowls I am talking about. The
ones that you put hot tomato soup in and it warms your hands on a cold winter
day or you put ice cream in it and it instantly cools your whole body. Growing up my parents had ceramic dinnerware
that was made in a pottery studio close to our house. The pieces that had cracks in the clay where
the extra glaze was allowed to settle were my favorite pieces to look at. Each of those had a story to tell. Where it ALMOST broke but instead chose to
gain strength from its surroundings and continue on in the journey.
Each one of these bowls represents a type of
friendship. Paper bowls, you know the
type, the get together for a cup of coffee and talk about how the kids are
growing. Fun and quick and not much of
an investment. Serves a purpose for
sure. Plastic bowls are the ones that
you have almost daily contact with. They
know the ins and outs of your life. They
are there for you when you need them and vice versa. Ceramic bowls are completely different. They can go untouched for weeks without
feeling left behind. The moment you pick
one up all the memories that you share come rushing back. They can go from hot
to cold and back again without shattering or warping. These are the friends that dry your tears and
give you the courage to chase your dreams.
These are the friends that cherish you even when you aren’t around and
would stop EVERYTHING to help you out.
I can say that I
have misjudged friendships over and over and over again. It is something that I am self admittedly not
great at. All too often I have tried to
make friendships last that weren’t meant to go the distance and a few
heartbreaking times I have misread and disposed of a friendship that was meant
to be stand the test of time. I have tried to put stew in a paper bowl and made
plenty of messes that way.
Some people just can’t handle the weight of your life and if
you try to pour it into them it breaks them rather than nourishing their soul. But in the stark contrast what if you throw
away something that is meant to be sustainable?
This one breaks my heart. I know
of two times that this has happened to me.
Where I didn’t realize what I was using was actually precious and then
threw it away rather than washing it.
One of these friendships I had to dig through the trash and rescue the
precious bowl. Every time this friend
contacts me or reaches out to me I remember thinking that she was only going to
be there for a short while, a plastic bowl.
That she wasn’t one of those friends I could count on to carry the weight. During the period of time that I disposed of
her I had plenty of friends. Many, many,
many that I had misjudged and thought
they were ceramic when really they were paper bowls. So rather than pouring into this one woman I
chose to pour into other bowls that eventually left me empty. This particular bowl is an absolutely beautiful
bowl. I watch in awe as she performs her
daily activities with her children. How
she loves them and allows them to be their own unique person. How time and time again she has had my back
when it mattered most. How she loves my
children and spoils them rotten. It was
worth the dumpster dive to rescue this one.
I was blessed for a second chance at this friendship.
Now don’t get me wrong every single friend I have ever had I
feel blessed to have had. The pain doesn’t
come from the friendship itself. The
pain comes when we expectations on a friendship that don’t meet what it was
made for. Now just because you are a
paper bowl to one person doesn’t mean you aren’t a ceramic bowl to
another. But please please, please drop
the expectations of trying to make something fit that just doesn’t. Accept it for what it is and be the best damn
bowl that you can be for that person.
Sometimes I don’t need a deep life explanation for the tears I am
crying. Sometimes I need a quick
disposable bowl of laughter. But other
times I need someone who knows my weaknesses and covers my faults and will
comfort my pain. So I leave you with
this……Disposal – orderly placement or distribution. So, maybe disposable isn’t a bad thing. Maybe the bad part only comes when we expect
something different from something that it simply cannot provide. I can’t get mad at the bowl for its purpose
in life. But I can learn to see the bowl
for what it is and distribute accordingly.
